Welcome back to the Make A Baby Podcast! 🎙️
I’m your host, Carolina Sotomayor, and today’s episode, number 109, is a game-changer for every woman dreaming of getting pregnant. Dive into the continuation of our “Pregnant by Christmas” series – and trust me, this one’s a heavyweight.
Ever felt a gap, a void, a yearning for a father’s presence? We’re unpacking the impactful and often overlooked Father Wound. 👨👧👦 From absence to emotional unavailability, we’re addressing the pain points that might be unknowingly holding you back.
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Meet Carolina Sotomayor, your go-to Expert Reiki Womb Healer! She’s your partner in the journey to motherhood, helping women all around the world bring their baby dreams to life by tackling physical barriers with Reiki magic. 🌟
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DISCLAIMER: This episode is not a substitute for professional medical care but aims at relaxation and stress reduction to support natural healing. Reiki complements, never replaces, medical care. Carolina is not a licensed healthcare provider; always seek appropriate professional help for physical and mental health. Individual results may vary.
Podcast Episode Transcript
Welcome back to the make a baby podcast. I’m Carolina Sotomayor and this is episode 109 This is the episode every woman who wants to get pregnant needs to hear and what we’re talking about today is continuation in our Pregnant by Christmas series. Now this one is a heavy hitter. So this one is a heavier topic than the previous two.
Today we’re talking about the father wound. And the father wound comes up when a father wasn’t present. wasn’t emotionally available, was not protective, perhaps was hostile, was very controlling, like attempted to control every move of you. Um, a father who didn’t approve, these are the most common, um, uh, causes or behaviors that caused the father wound to occur.
Um, now when you have this wound or if you don’t know if you have this wound, so common things that it shows up in your life are. Seeking affection, seeking approval of others, people pleasing, and it could go two ways. It could be that you have a hard time speaking up or you try to dominate the conversation.
It could be either way. Um, also if you are full of fear, you’re fearful that people may not like you, fearful of making the wrong decision, just a lot of fear in every aspect of your life. And when we have this father wound. It can dramatically impact how we live our lives, and most importantly, this wound is the number one thing that we have to heal in our path to fertility.
Um, and it is, if women can heal this, this can be enough to conceive. And this is actually What was keeping me from getting pregnant, my father wound and the absence of my dad in my life after he died made me feel unsafe and it’s actually because I started to heal that wound, um, with the Reiki. that I actually conceived my son.
So here’s a story time. You’ll have a good story time. Um, so when I was growing up, my parents were divorced when I was 11 months old. And, um, My mom had primary custody of me for most of my life until age 16. So from 0 to 16, my dad was absent. Didn’t pay child support, didn’t, um, visit, um, very sporadic contact.
I think there was a couple of summers I spent with him. Um, but mainly, he was not available. He was not present. Uh, did not… Care how is being parented by my mom didn’t have day to day knowledge on how I was doing in school so there was a giant gaping hole in my heart because I wanted nothing more than the attention and time of my dad So there was there was no relationship there for for a long time given then I fast forward to 16 I go to live with him, and then he then becomes very controlling, he’s very hostile, he’s very emotionally unavailable, either speaks to me or doesn’t speak to me, so silent treatment, which is also abusive, was very present in our home, um, and then was super controlling, uh, super, even when I went into college, he went in to choose my courses, it was It was insane.
So what did I do? So once I became an adult and I started to date, um, I sought out people who were not healthy. They were emotionally unavailable. I sought out men who would love bomb me because I was seeking affection. I was seeking, um, because I had an unhealed father wound. I was seeking this attention and love that I didn’t get from my dad in my partners.
So I was getting men who were super controlling. I was dating men who would manipulate and dominate me and control me. I was dating men who were not kind to me, uh, because that’s what I was used to. And that’s what I thought I deserved. A lot of our father relationship also influences how we determine our worth.
So when my dad wasn’t around, From zero to sixteen, I learned I had little worth because when I did see him, it was chaotic, it was mean, it was awkward, and if he did send a card, It maybe had 5 in it or 20 in it, but there was never a great effort. Um, and as a child, time, um, in presence determines worth and that’s how a child’s mind equates it.
Like, Oh, she, she’s spending time with me or how words and actions, all of that can influence how a child unconsciously says, Oh, I was worth their time. If a person consistently shows up in a child’s life, um, and is shown love, they’re going to have a better relationship and determination of their worth than if they’re simply abandoned and have an absent parent.
So with me, my worth was in the toilet. It was. It was non existent because he wasn’t around for me. How did My father wound impact my fertility and how did I heal it? So basically with this my dad had died and I was grieving the loss of him even though, you know, we had Not a great time in my childhood.
We had grown closer when I was an adult and I was always seeking his approval. And when he died, I felt unsafe in the world. And because we had fostered a good relationship or what I thought was a good relationship at the time, I had based my safety on that. So when he died, that disappeared. So I had to redefine what my safety was.
And that was what was keeping me. From getting pregnant I was showing behaviors of full of fear. I was constantly seeking affection for my partner seeking attention in my job I Um, also was a people pleaser. I hated when people were disappointed in me. So it was a lot of giving away of my energy, all giving away of my validation.
All everything that came good to me was external instead of being internal, which when you do heal your father wound, a lot of the validation, the affection. The seeking of the people, these things stops because that all comes from inside you, that you live without fear, you live within abundance, you are loving on yourself, so that inner child is, is tended to.
So when I did get Reiki, I was able to conceive after one Reiki session and that allowed me to move forward. I had been doing talk therapy and we had been unpacking. You know, who was my dad and what was his limitations and did I accept him for who he was? So the first thing was accepting my dad for who actually he really was and What he was limited to doing And the second thing was grieving, like, who he wasn’t and letting go of the dream and expectation of who I wanted him to be and who he never was going to be, I never was since he had passed.
And the last part, the third part, is I fathered myself. In other words, I parented my inner child. I found ways for myself to feel validated. I found rituals to protect myself and energy. I found ways to celebrate and be proud of myself. I found ways to, um, Allow myself to feel emotions safely and release them.
I found my way, I found myself to want to be free and express my emotions. And I learned how to express my emotions and with who and how to do that safely in a healthy way. And that allowed me to heal my father wound. And I think that it’s important to understand that the father wound Can you heal it completely?
I think that’s subjective. I think that you have to determine that. Um, I’ve done a lot of work on my father wound and I think that because I’ve had Abandonment and estrangement and fear and so much manipulation and narcissism that I later learned about through extensive therapy, even after I initially did the work after he passed, I think it’s still there.
And I think it’s an important takeaway is that when you are conceiving and when you are healing or just in general, your healing journey is that it’s layered like an onion and you can choose how much you want to heal something. I don’t actively heal this father wound all the time anymore. I’m satisfied with how far I’ve come.
And I’m satisfied with how much I’ve healed it and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I’m choosing to heal other things. I’m choosing to focus on different energies. So some seasons you might be healing and some you may be like, I’m tired of this. I want to take a break. So you get to decide also like how far.
Do you want to heal this? But a lot of our our worth our safety is tied up in our father relationships Now I always get asked but what if my relationship is great with my dad now? It doesn’t mean there’s not something to heal from your childhood. What if your father was great, and he was affectionate and He was present then this may not apply to you.
Then you may not have people pleasing tendencies. You may not be seeking chaos or seeking affection. You may not be full of fear. Um, there could be one incident and it may not be traumatic, but it may be something you need to heal and you’re done miss. You might have been like the perfect dad. That’s okay too.
Um, sometimes the things that we need to heal are not. These big life events that are chaotic and traumatic. They could be somebody didn’t consult you and you had to move houses or move locations. It could be. That, um, nobody consoled you or nobody explained things to you. That was like half the battle of my childhood.
Nobody explained anything to me. That made me feel unseen. It made me feel invisible. It made me feel like I needed to be quiet. So, and that, you know, every father wound, and this is just an overview. You can go down this rabbit hole. But the father wound is the number one thing. That I see as the blockage besides, you know, relationships and choices, um, which are the first two episodes in this series.
Um, this is the first wound I’m almost always go and heal. So if you have questions, I would love to hear from you. Send me a DM at the carolinaspetsoignior on Instagram. I would also, um, if you want to ask me anything on a future episode, I would love for you to use the first link in our episode description.
It is called Ask Carolina Anything and maybe we’ll feature you as, um, listener of the week. And we use a service called Speakpipe. You’re not paid by them, but you can leave a 90 second, um, voice memo for me and, um, we will then make you an episode just for you. So we hope that you get pregnant by Christmas.
We hope that you take this series of episodes to heart. And we’re treating you like as if you were in a coaching container with me. If you have questions about anything, again, reach out. We would love to hear from you until next time, my friends let the Reiki flow.
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