Welcome back to the Make A Baby Podcast! 🎙️
I’m your host, Carolina Sotomayor, and today’s episode, number 115. In this episode, I interview Jessica Friesen, a fertility mindset coach, bestselling author, and sound healer. Jessica shares her personal fertility journey and how she used mindset and manifestation techniques to overcome challenges and manifest her dream of having children. She emphasizes the importance of talking about infertility and breaking the stigma surrounding it.
Jessica also discusses the challenges of postpartum and motherhood and the need for self-care and support during this time. She provides insights into the power of changing beliefs and perspectives and offers practical tips for manifesting what you desire. Overall, Jessica’s story and expertise highlight the transformative potential of mindset in the fertility journey.
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Podcast Episode Transcript
Welcome back to the Make a Baby Podcast. I’m Carolina Sotomayor, your Reiki Womb Healer and podcast host. Today we’re talking to a very special guest. This is Jessica Friesen. How are you, Jessica?
I’m amazing, how are you?
I’m so excited. So today we’re talking about having a fertility mindset. And as soon as I saw your socials, I was like, this is an ideal guest for the podcast because I think the word mindset gets thrown around a lot and a lot of people don’t really know exactly what it means or what it could mean or what having a good mindset can do or impact your life with. So I’m super like just…
so overly excited that that’s not a word to have you here because I know your presence and your voice and your words today is going to impact my audience and so many and even impact me as another fertility worker. So where are you based in the world?
So I am based in a little town in Stratford, Ontario, Canada. Yeah.
Oh, you’re in Canada. I love that. Fantastic. And tell us, okay, so tell us a little bit about you. You’re a fertility mindset coach, a bestselling author, and you have your own podcast called the Fertility Mind Podcast and you’re a sound healer. Give us like the rundown, how this come to be. I mean, cause no one just drops into this work without having, in my opinion, if you’re a birth worker,
If you’re a fertility worker, any of those, especially like a doula or something like that, then it’s because you’ve had some type of life event that deeply impacted you and changed the way that you live life so that you can be of service to others. I have never met any other one person in this type of work that is not like some type of healer that doesn’t have their own story.
Yes, okay. So, yes. I’ll condense this into like the Coles Note version because I love to talk and I could talk forever. So, I guess how this, I’ve always been very much an empath. I feel people, I feel their emotions. And as a young child, I was always told like you’re too sensitive, you know, like how do you know these things? You’re wise beyond your years.
Let’s do it. Tell me everything. Tell me the tea.
You know, when it came time to like go to post-secondary education, I was like, what can I do that I can help people? And I couldn’t find anything that struck my fancy. So I was like, okay, I’m just going to go to school so I can travel the world, you know, work in different hotels. And again, like it was really fun, but it wasn’t fulfilling to me. And then fast forward to 2013 or 2014, I guess.
I have three stepdaughters, I’m married, and my husband and I have been trying naturally for quite some time to get pregnant. And our story is a bit unique because he had a vasectomy in his previous marriage and then we got married. And I knew that we wanted to have kids. That was one of the things that we talked about. Before we got married, he saw a urologist and he was like, yeah, he’s like, I can reverse this, no problem. It’s only been three years since it’s reversed.
Everything will be perfect. Like stats and everything are still great for you guys.” And I was like, okay, amazing. Because call me crazy. But I said to my husband, I was like, having kids is one thing that’s so important to me. And I love being a stepmom, but I can’t give up on my dream of having my own kids. And he’s like, I want to have more kids too. He’s like, I always wanted a huge family. So in 2014, we found ourselves smack dab in the middle of a fertility world.
Having your own.
I didn’t know a single person that struggled with miscarriage, struggled with getting pregnant, let alone on fertility treatments, seeking fertility, like seeking medical protocols and stuff from a fertility doctor and being active in a fertility clinic. I instantly started feeling incredibly alone. I was advised stay off of social media because it can be quite…
A dwindling hope place to be. It can be a scary place because everyone can share their unsuccessful stories or how it won’t work. I’m just a curious person by nature, so I was like, of course I’m going to check this stuff out. It was the biggest mistake that I did, I would say, because everywhere I found everyone was like, don’t expect to get pregnant on the first try. IUIs don’t work. If you have to go through IVF, it’s going to be
Like a shit ton of money and good luck. And I was like, crap. And at that point in my life, like my husband and I didn’t have money for IVF. And I was just like, what the F is going on in my life? Because I’ve always been this like happy bubbly person. I volunteered with kids groups because I love being a stepmom. I love helping and volunteering with kids. And I was like, I just wanted to be a mom.
And I fell upon law of attraction audio books. And any time I got into the car, I was like, I need to find this information. Because I guess in 2002, when The Secret came out, I tried to watch the movie. And I fell asleep twice. And it’s not anything against the movie. I’m 38 now.
How old are you?
Okay, I’m 40. I was like, yeah, back in 2002, it was like first year of college, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, like we were young and I was like, no, like I would rather be doing something different. But it’s like it, it really did spark something within me that to the point that in 2014 I was like, Hey, I tried to watch a movie. Is this on audio book? Cause I’m going to listen to this. And I applied every technique that came from that book of gratitude and understanding mindset. And I really got crystal clear.
On what it is that I wanted to manifest. And the word manifestation in 2014, at least in my understanding, was not huge. But I was like, I am going to use the law of attraction and I’m going to have boy-girl twins and I’m gonna find the money to pay for this without having to get a second job or hope for extra commissions or a pay raise or anything. And…
Money came to us. My father-in-law was like, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. Jessica, you are truly a gift to our family. He’s like, if I can help in any way, I will. It was the most emotional event ever because I was like, oh my God, thank you. The whole process with that though is I put so much more pressure on myself because not only
Was I borrowing money to create my family If I came out empty handed, I would have to pay this money back and I’d have an incredibly broken heart. And, You know, it just, there was so many beliefs and mindset, like mindset that was very much intertwined into like feeling unworthy, feeling like my body was not doing what it was supposed to do, feeling like, you know, shame that I was on a fertility treatment. I was young, I was healthy.
And on paper, everything said, you know, there should have no issues. And, when I tried to talk to people around it, they’re like, why do you want to talk about this? Like, this is hush, hush. Like that’s like taboo. Don’t talk about this. And I was like, what is wrong with you people? Like, why is it so not okay to talk about your fertility struggles? Why do we have to be quiet? And I didn’t like that. Yeah.
Cause it makes people uncomfortable.
And it just, it sent me on a whole thing. And so when we started doing our IVF treatments, I came across a quote that said, “What if your story could be someone else’s survival guide?” So I started doing voice memos of like driving, so I had to drive at least an hour one way to my fertility clinic. And because I had three stepdaughters in my house, my husband and I both made the decision
We weren’t uprooting their life because we were on a fertility journey. So he wasn’t going to come to every appointment. If he could, he would. But if we had the girls, we weren’t going to try and sit, switch schedules or anything like that. It was, I’m, you know, I’m a big girl. I can drive myself to the fertility appointments. I can call him. Or if, if he wasn’t taking the kids to school, I could FaceTime him. So he could kind of be in on the conversations with me, um, and be there in spirit without physically being there with me.
So I needed things to fill me up on my drives and I was like, I would listen to Law of Attraction, I’d listen to Mindset, audiobooks, and it just like the goosebumps that I would find like the whole way there, like obviously I was focused on driving, but I would be like, how did I even get here? Like I was just in this amazing trance of information and I started recording all of my thoughts, I started recording all of my medications, I recorded everything.
Because I said, I’m gonna do something someday with this. And lo and behold, 2015, I gave birth to boy-girl twins, manifested those babies, and everything, When you go through the journey, you can document the emotional impacts, you can document all the struggles, everything.
But when you look back and you see all the synchronicities that you didn’t see because you were so focused on what was happening right here and right now, I tell every one of my clients, journal, because you will miss synchronicities that you didn’t see show up in front of you because you’re sometimes so focused on right here, right now, and no one is ever trained or taught to think from the end. And back then,
Wow, that’s a great point.
Yeah. And back then I never knew I was thinking from the end. I was just thinking law of attraction. If I’m going to have one pregnancy, it’s going to be boy, girl, twins. It’s going to be an amazing pregnancy. And I felt gratitude. And I, every pregnant person I saw, I gave love to them. Whereas previously, if I saw people pregnant, my friends, anyone, I would have this gut wrenching feeling of like, when’s it going to be my turn?
Like I was happy for them, I was genuinely happy for them, but it was just like, when’s it gonna be my turn? Because there was such that unknown of if it could happen, when it could happen. And someone said to me, everything happens in its right divine time. And I tell you, those were the worst words to say to someone, but now I say it to everyone.
I live by those words, but it is also painful to hear when you are not ready to receive the words. And I think everyone moves at different paces with like, I believe if you’re experiencing infertility now, especially over the past few years, I believe that it is also a lot of women’s spiritual awakening. So,
There’s so much to unpack here. So congratulations on manifesting your boy-girl twins. How old are they now? Oh my goodness, my little, our first Reiki baby is turning seven in December. So that’s, so, and Did you say you had another pregnancy? Did you do it again? Tell me more.
There are eight.
So a whole lot of stuff happened after we had our twins. I stopped applying manifestation or mindset. I just fell into motherhood and embraced every part of it. And So many things happened in my life. And I knew, like when I birthed my twins, I said to my husband, I said, I wanna have one more. And he’s like, he looks at my husband calls me Jay.
He’s like, Jay, we don’t have money to do another treatment. He’s like, unless the universe has plans for us to have another baby, we’re done. And he said, But he said, also let like, you know, let the tiredness and exhaustion set in. You just birthed twins. And I was like, I’m like, honey, oh my God, no. Yeah. But something.
It’s that adrenaline high of birth. There is a, for anyone that’s not giving birth, there is a post-birth high that, there’s an adrenaline rush that, where you think you can do anything. It eventually goes away, by the way. It’s dangerous, that high of what you think you can do. It’s not a normal state of thinking, that’s for sure. It wasn’t for me. So, but for yours, it was, I want another baby now.
Yeah, yeah. And my husband was like, no, no. And he’s like, we’ll talk about this. We’ll revisit this later. But like, just, just realize what just happened here. And I was like, okay, fine. But the feeling never left. I really knew I wanted to have one more baby. And then we had paid my father-in-law back. Everything was good.
But at this point, I now became a stay at home mom. And there’s a whole lot of synchronicities that happened in there as well. But I was a stay at home mom, so we were now down to a one income family, which I loved because the cost of daycare was very insane in our region. Like it was, I would literally be working to have my children in daycare and have no time flexibility if they were able to be sick.
And if anyone knows, as soon as your kids go into daycare, they get every germ possible and they bring it home. And if you’re a new time mom, you get all those germs, even though you might have like an amazing immune system, you get sick too. And I was beyond blessed to have that flexibility to stay home, but money was scary tight. And my husband and I were both in very uncomfortable situations with money.
We did not have a money mindset. We like our mindset completely shifted back to all old habits and paradigms. And it was just there was so many blessings in our life, but we were starting again to focus on all of the negative things that were going on around us. And I kept saying to my husband, like, I really want to have another baby. And he’s like, I would love to have another baby with you. He said, but Jay, like it’s not in the cards.
Again, I’ll repeat this. If the universe allows us to have a baby, it will happen. But other than that, finances say no. And I went to work.
I think I just want to interject to something. I think it’s also very important to remember people who’ve like, especially if you’re yet to conceive and you’ve yet to give birth and yet to be in postpartum. When you’re in postpartum, it is very common story that you’re just surviving. And I think that media, social media, TV shows, movies, like kind of like gloss over the reality of what
Postpartum is really like for the modern mainstream women. There’s a lack of resources, there’s a lack of money usually, like you became a stay at home mom. So that shifts the whole dynamic of your household with money. So even if you had like, you had this spiritual mindset and you were doing all of these things and like you did do, but when you have those babies, there is a whole reality shift and it makes it really hard to be spiritual.
And also care for these new babies. And you had it bite twice, you had doubles. So postpartum is is the common thing of fatigue, brain fog. If you’re breastfeeding, there’s a whole another thing, or if you’re pumping, a whole another layeredness of hunger, exhaustion, and thirst, that’s for sure. But then if you’re also learning, like for me, I was a first time mom, I didn’t know how to bathe a baby. I didn’t know…
How to swaddle, I didn’t know how to change a diaper, had never changed a diaper. So I think it’s important to understand that it is very normal, it is very normal to have ebbs and flows, highs and lows in your spiritual walk, in your spiritual journey, if you’re a faith-based person, even in your faith. I need to pronounce my words better. And that it’s, especially in post-partum, it is very normal to…
To you have to learn how to live differently now with these new people in your life that are your children. So it is very, very normal to what happened to you also happened to me. And I think that is some women are like, well, I don’t do XYZ anymore that I used to do when I was pregnant. Because a lot of women pick up new habits during fertility and pregnancy that allow them to cope. The thing is, is you just don’t have capacity
In postpartum. You don’t have, you’re trying to run a household, you’re trying to pay the bills. I didn’t even open the mail until like five months after I gave birth. Literally, my husband is like, I used to do everything. Sometimes you shift of who you are as a person. I think that’s an important message to communicate is like, that’s okay. Eventually, when you do have space, when you do have energy, when you have capacity, you will…
And you will or you may not, but you do have the option to always go back to it. Is that it’s okay to allow your physical reality to take precedence over sometimes your spirituality because you have to survive too. And I think that that’s just a raw like look at motherhood that needs to be highlighted. Because it…
Yeah, and honestly, I’ll give you like a two second Kohl’s note. So I couldn’t breastfeed my twins. I tried tandem feeding. I tried doing things. My flow was different for my son than it was for my daughter. They had preferences on sides. So long story short, I chose to pump. Nothing wrong with however you choose to feed your baby. Fed best, honestly. Yes.
Exactly. Fed is best.
But I went through a whole emotional thing of I’m pumping, I’m not, you know, and my stepdaughters and anyone that came to visit always wanted to feed the babies. And as much as that was like, oh my gosh, they’re bonding, this feels amazing. I felt this massive, you know what, this is supposed to be my time, this is what I’m supposed to be doing, and I’m watching other people do it. So there was the duality. And I think people need to understand it is okay to experience duality.
I was grateful. Yeah. So I felt grateful that, you know, people were bonding with my babies, but the duality was I didn’t feel like I was enough. I felt like I was failing in some way. I felt guilty. I stopped dying my hair. I stopped doing a lot of things because I was like, that’s money that I could spend on my babies and make sure that, you know, my stepdaughters still had, you know, maintained their lifestyle.
Ah, that’s a point that I haven’t even thought about. That’s a great aspect.
And the other thing was because My husband had three children from a previous marriage, I felt insufficient because I had to ask him, how do I swaddle? How do I do this? You’ve done this three other times and I’m thinking, I’m the mom, shouldn’t I know how to do this? So please understand whatever you’re going through is a hundred percent normal. If you need to seek help, please go seek help. Never think that something is too less or, you know, please.
I honestly say from someone who has studied mindset, later after I went through some very dark times. I got myself out of it, but I’m thankful for the tools that I gave myself. And we were also in a position where we didn’t have benefits or anything like that, health benefits that could pay for a counselor. So I was very thankful for my resiliency of I have tools, I got to do them. I need to do them because…
I need to be here for my babies. I need to be here for myself and I need to be here for my husband. I literally did. I looked at my quote every day, your story will be someone else’s survival guide. It was right beside my bed. So as soon as I woke up, I’m like, okay, I’m going to help. I can’t tell you why I had this intense desire to help, but it just, I did. So in 2019, finally we were in a situation,
A better financial situation that we could potentially pay for fertility treatments. But there was something going on with me. There was an age difference between my twins and our possible new baby. And as soon as we started our secondary fertility treatment, or I guess treatments, there was a floodgate of like, what if this doesn’t work on the first try? It didn’t work on the first try for me. I had three failed transfers and a canceled cycle
And a whole lot of emotional things before I got pregnant with my twins. And all of that floodgate came back. And I thought, I need law of attraction, I need mindset, I need manifestation. And as soon as I said that, I did this thing I called surrender. I literally, no one was in my house for a moment. My kids were sleeping, I should say they were home, but I got down on my knees and I said, universe, give me the path that I need right now
Because I’m determined to have my baby and I need more resources. And free master classes started popping up all over social media of law of attraction or mindset and manifestation. And so I went to work. I went to Proctor Gallagher Institute and I studied the program Thinking into Results. And it was all about mindset and manifestation. And Bob Proctor was wholly like…
He was an angel. He taught me so many things that I didn’t know that was missing from the first kind of law of attraction, like audio books and books and things that I was reading and master classes. And I then said to myself, I’m going to do a podcast. I am going to become a coach. I’m going to teach people in this fertility world how your mindset is so important because on a secondary fertility journey.
So I’m talking to anyone that might have gotten pregnant naturally and then you can experience secondary infertility where you can’t get pregnant the second try, you’re now in a fertility world. Maybe every part of your fertility is part of a fertility world. No matter who is listening to this, your mind plays games with you. It’s your ego. It wants to keep you in a box. And when you break free of that box, you are capable of absolutely…
Anything and that is such a strong belief that I hold because I can honestly go on and on and tell you, you know, I felt guilty. I had, When we were gearing up to have, you know, our last baby on Christmas Eve morning at 5 a.m. I had to be driving to my fertility clinic. We were in a whole new fertility clinic and women looked at me so horrible. Like how dare you bring your twins.
I had to drive three hours to my fertility clinic and get there for 8 a.m. at the latest. And I didn’t want to ruin Christmas morning, but I was not giving up on my fertility journey. And I thought in my mind, you know, you never know the assumptions of people. I had no one to watch my twins. I had to bring them to the fertility clinic. I flipped my perspective and was like, they get to see the place that they were conceived. They get to see their fertility doctor and meet their fertility doctor,
And they get to know that they have a hidden super power because they were frozen in time. That’s what I tell them all the time.
I love that you were frozen in time. Dude, that’s amazing.
Yeah, so and I’m honestly creating a children’s book about it. That’s top secret. But yes, you guys can know because it’s coming out. I will.
You have to let us know when it comes out. We’ll do another, We’ll have to do another podcast episode.
Yes. But so I like it just for me, it was flipping that perspective of, you know, making it a journey for them because they had to be along the journey with me and they got to see a bit of the process. And that was something I said to my husband, I want my children, all of my children, stepchildren included, to know that how babies come into the world does not have to be conventional. And it does not mean that even though there’s struggle that you can give up hope, that you can give up your faith.
And you can give up your beliefs. It means that when you set your mind to something and you persist through the unimaginable, you can still have what you want. You have to understand when your mind plays games, you can choose your thoughts the way you choose your clothes. Yes, that takes practice. Yes, that’s hard for some people to hear. Because I had, don’t get me wrong, the chatter in my head was still strong. I felt like I was greedy,
For wanting to go back for a secondary fertility because my God, I got twins. Like, should I not just feel grateful for that? But I reminded myself, if I were able to get pregnant naturally, everyone would congratulate you saying, oh, you’re having another one, that’s amazing. When you’re in a fertility world, people say things to you like, why? Like you already have three stepdaughters, you already have twins, like, why would you want more?
Or the dreaded one is, why don’t you just go adopt? Adoption is not a solution for infertility.
Yes, yes. So long story short, I again used mindset, I used manifestation, I visualized, I stayed focused even when every part of my outside environment was telling me give up, it’s not working, you’re crazy for doing this, you’re crazy for putting your body through this again. I persisted, I stayed strong, and I said I am going to have a blonde.
Blonde hair, blue eyed baby boy.
I have a blonde hair, blue eyed baby boy. I always get emotional because people don’t believe that you can actually set exactly what you want. People said to me, why do you want a baby boy? And I said, I have three stepdaughters, I have my own little girl, and my husband really loves having boys. I really would have been 100% if I had a little girl. I would have been okay with that. But I thought…
When you place your order in the universe, we call it like universe prime. Instead of Amazon Prime, it’s universe prime. Place your order.
That’s so good! I love that
Yes! So place your order. What is it that you want? You can still be grateful for whatever you get, but why not? If the universe doesn’t know a difference between $1 and $1,000,000, try manifesting your million. Don’t settle for something small just to say that you have something. And a lot of things that I get with my clients, they want to manifest twins. And they’re just like, well, shouldn’t I just focus on having a single healthy baby? And I said, focus on a healthy pregnancy.
Focus on a healthy baby, but focus on exactly what it is that you want. And know that you will be okay with what you get, but focus on what it is that you want. And like it just, there’s so many techniques and like it just, yes, anyway, long story short, everything that you believe is meant to come true. So your subconscious mind is
95% auto programming. That’s like your like That’s your breathing, that’s things that you do. But what you hold is a belief. So this is what I tell everyone. If you label yourself as something, so you label yourself as infertile, or you label yourself as it’s going to be a really hard journey because my doctor gave me a diagnosis and said it’s going to be a hard journey, you’ve labeled that and your subconscious mind instantly goes to work to show you every reason, everything,
Every circumstance to prove to you it’s going to be hard. Reprogram your thinking, choose your thoughts the way you choose your clothes, and you will see your subconscious mind goes instantly to work for what it is that you want. You will get intuitive thoughts, intuitive hits, you hear something in a song, you read something in a book that resonates so well with you and you think,
Or someone texts you this episode that you need to hear.
Yes, but I promise you when people say you can’t manifest a baby, I asked them, I said, why do you believe that though? Why do you believe that? I ask every single person that comes into my energy, what are you afraid of? What memories are you telling yourself or that you that are on repeat that bug you? This is telling you all inner secrets about yourself that you can change.
And I ask you, what are you ashamed of? Because if that’s something you’re ashamed of, what if you flip your perspective and say, I don’t need to be ashamed of this, this is my superpower. Flip your perspectives on things and you will see a massive difference in your life. You will see a massive difference. And this is why I came into, you know, becoming a fertility mindset coach. I wish I had information like this on my fertility journey, someone I could talk to.
It just, my God, my heart is so open for anyone that’s on a fertility journey, and they need to know the power that they hold within them. And it just, the world needs to understand it’s okay to talk about infertility. It is okay to talk about miscarriage. It is okay to talk about everything that can possibly go on in your life. It doesn’t have to be hushed. It doesn’t have to be quiet. And if you choose for it to be more quiet and intimate with just you and your partner,
Or you and your family, that’s okay too. There’s no right or wrong, but we make assumptions and we live in those right or wrong or gray areas and don’t know how to feel.
You are a magical being. I’m so grateful for everything you’ve shared and I’m so in tune with everything you’re saying. How can people find you on the world wide web?
Yes, so if you go to Instagram, I’m at the fertility mind, my website, if you want to book sound healing sessions, which I didn’t even really get into here. Yeah. Yes, it’s an amazing thing. But so www.thefertilitymind.com is my website where you can book.
Into. We’ll have to do another episode on that. Sound healing for fertility.
My coaching calls, you can book anything. You can also buy my book there. It’s there too. My book is also available on Amazon. I send people that route if they’re new to mindset and manifestation. So I co-authored a book. It’s called Manifesting with Purpose, Aligning to Your Soul’s Desires. And it’s myself and three other women that share all mindset and manifestation tools and techniques all told from our story. So I share my infertility story.
Jessica West shares how she was in a very near-death experience car accident and experienced a traumatic brain injury. She talks about how mindset and manifestation changed her life. Now she is completely healed. Elizabeth talks about manifesting money and positivity and Lauren talks about her relationship with God and things like that. It’s kind of an all-encompassing book.
But find me on social media at, like on Instagram at The Fertility Mind. My website is www.thefertilitymind.com and just search my name, you’ll find me. And in any way that I can help, I also have my podcast, The Fertility Mind podcast as well. Yeah, it just, as much free information as I can get out there, that is my passion, that is my heart.
We’ll link it all below in the show notes.
It’s just, it is what I do, it’s what I love, it’s what I get the most fulfillment from because I want every single person, no matter your sexual orientation, no matter your walk of life, you hold a lot of power. And I want you to take that power so you can create the life of your dreams and start doing it now. And you don’t necessarily have to buy crazy courses or things like that, but it’s just, the word needs to be out.
I’m so grateful for you. For all our listeners, thank you for spending another week and another episode listening with us. I want you to go to the show notes. The first line, it says, ask Carolina anything. You can now leave us up to 60 second voice note and we will answer, you can ask me anything and we’ll feature you on one of the podcast episodes. So thank you for being here and until next time friends, let the Reiki flow.
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