Endings are hard. There’s no getting around that. But sometimes, they’re also for the best. And when it comes to your fertility, breaking up just might be the best thing you can do. 

In this episode, we discuss the steps and things to consider when breaking up with a friend, partner, spouse, or a job. The inner work and hard conversations have to be done before taking action to end the relationship.

Clearing relationships that are heaving and not serving you will ultimately create space for higher quality, deeper relationships for you. Having meaningful, healthy relationships that can support you in your trying to conceive journey will help you. 

Breaking up with a bad relationship can be the GREATEST LIBERATION. Breaking up will allow you to break free of the toxic cycles and signal to the Universe that you want something better. 

This liberation will lead to less stress, lower cortisol levels, and more time to focus on you. These 3 things will automatically boost your fertility and the joy you feel. 

There’s no denying that ending a relationship is hard—but sometimes, it’s for the best. If you’re struggling to conceive, breaking up may be just what the doctor ordered (even though we know our OB-GYNs would never condone such behavior). So go ahead and call it quits—it just might help increase your chances of getting pregnant in the long run!

What you’ll learn:
1:57 “If a person doesn’t appreciate you, it’s okay to let them go” – Carolina Sotomayor
2:50 What to do when you’re in a situation where you think there is something wrong
3:58 The importance of setting your expectations
5:00 How Reiki can help 
6:08 Why it’s okay to quit
7:40 How to show appreciation to others
8:30 The things I teach my son about setting boundaries
10:24 Breaking up is your greatest liberation

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Professional bio
The Carolina Sotomayor Podcast is brought to you by Carolina Sotomayor and the Fertility Foundation.

Carolina Sotomayor is an Expert Womb Healer who helps women conceive by removing physiological blockages with Reiki. She is the host of the Carolina Sotomayor Podcast, a show that covers everything from fertility to postpartum to motherhood, and the creator of Fertility Foundation Collective, an online membership that helps women heal at their own pace to boost their fertility.

Carolina has served over 500 women from around the world to heal. She is passionate about helping women create their families. As a result, there are over 60 reiki babies in the world.

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Full episode transcript:

Hi, I’m Caroline, your podcast host in Reiki Womb Healer, and I wanna take a moment to thank you for subscribing and if you would also leave a rating review, I’d be so grateful. I am. Talking about something that’s super important, and it is the season for many, and it’s this time of year that things like this happen.

It’s why breaking up is one of the greatest things that can happen to you and to your fertility, and most importantly, your emotional safety. So during the holidays, Things happen. You’re shopping like you’re stressed. Also with like the great resignation and the pandemic people are at an all time emotional high, so people are more stressed.

And also now we live in cancel culture. So there’s a lot of things that are allowing people to react more openly and more strongly than before in past years. We’re not talking about just like breaking up, like breaking up with people in our relationships like boyfriend, girlfriend, or in our marriages or partnerships, but also with your friendships.

It’s always super important to understand that if a person doesn’t appreciate you, it’s okay to let them go. It’s also important to understand that letting go of family members is allowed. Just because you’ve had decades long friendships doesn’t mean that you have to keep it. And just because you’ve shared D N A with someone doesn’t mean that they still have permission to be in your life.

This is your wake up call to let you know that you are the one in charge of who’s allowed in your life and who is not. And if a person is mistreat you, it’s okay to say goodbye to. And it doesn’t necessarily warrant a conversation. You can block a phone number, you can have a conversation if you feel like it’s going to be safe for you to do so.

During this holiday season, if you feel that you’re not being treated correctly or in a way that is positive, you can approach the person and have the hard conversation. If you’re approaching a situation, whether it’s a friendship or familial or romantically, or maybe you’re dating someone and this doesn’t feel right, I want you to ask yourself why?

What is not working for you in this relat? Do you want to have a conversation with this person? Do you want to continue the relationship with this person and determine how you wanna move forward? Sometimes if you’ve reached out multiple times and the person’s not responsive, or if they don’t have time, or if you’re the person that’s always reaching out and they’re not returning your texts or your phone calls, or if they’re only asking you for money or basically exploiting or using you, you need to evaluate.

What the worth and value of their presence in your life is. Another point is, is that a lot of people are changing jobs, but, and my clients, a recurring pattern that I’m seeing in my coaching clients is that they’re upset with maybe disappointment in relationships in the workplace, whether they are working or if they’re working in contractors and things like that, or Lance.

It’s really important to understand in setting the expectation for yourself before you go into a job that these people that you’re gonna be working with, they’re not your soulmates. Most likely they’re not gonna become your best friends. And you’re there for a purpose of working. And if you’re lucky, you might create a friend, or I’ve had friends that I’ve created at past jobs, but they’re not my sole friends, my sole friends I’ve met elsewhere.

But it is quite possible people fall in love at work and you could find a sole friend or even your soulmate at work. However, most of the time, the other like 99% of the coworkers that you’re working with, once you leave that job, then you’re not gonna speak to them. Unless you connect on LinkedIn and even then when you communicate with them, it has a purpose.

So why breaking up is the greatest thing is that it’s gonna be your greatest liberation. I have a client who’s going through a divorce and her spouse was very volatile and they have children, and she’s decided that it was the best thing for her and her children to leave this person and. With her, with going through coaching and things like that and healing her womb and wanting to restore her energy and remove his energy from her womb space.

I said to her today, actually, your divorce is your greatest liberation, cuz she said the divorce is the greatest thing. that could have happened to her this year. And so I said, the divorce is your greatest liberation. She’s being liberated to do the things that she wants, reconnect with herself, and also just fully open up and expand who she is.

Is it sad that her marriage doesn’t work out? Sure, but she’s being liberated and also she had a spiritual awakening. This year it doesn’t good fit anymore. Breaking up can allow better things to come into your life. Better partners, better friends, better jobs. So breaking up is just not about breaking up romantically.

No. We break up with a lot of things every day. It’s also like goes back to, don’t be a quitter. It’s okay to quit. Shit. It’s okay to quit relationships, but you’re doing it after you’ve given it thoughts and after you’ve done the internal work and saying like, this didn’t work for me. I didn’t like it.

This is the lesson I learned. So you’re setting the boundary. You’re not gonna have this karmic lesson that you have to repeat 10 times over and have carry emotional baggage from one relationship to the other. So if you feel abandoned by a parent, you’re not carrying that into your friendships, into your relationships and your romantic connections.

So if. Are not being appreciated and people are not to see how you’re doing and they’re only asking for favors or for money. Make sure like you’re setting boundaries and expectations, boundaries with them, and expectations for yourself and understanding like the purpose of this relationship. And that is really a lot of internal work, but knowing that will save you a lot of time and grief, but also will allow you.

To invite in higher quality, more meaningful, deeper relationships that are matching your energetic level, matching your vibration, matching the journey that you’re on. If you’re not being appreciated, you’re not being valued, then. It’s gonna be harder to stay in that space and in that relationship and when things are not going well to continue to put forth effort to maintain the relationship at being appreciated can show as as simple as please and thank you, or I value you, or, hi, I’m thinking of you.

Little things matter, so make sure. For the relationships that you do value in your life, you’re pouring into them as well. But if someone’s gonna break up with you or you’re gonna break up with someone, no, it’s okay. And that by breaking up with someone, you’re inviting more of the things and characteristics of a friend, a partner, or a job, whatever the case may be into your life.

Because who you are now, Is more of an energetic match for the person that you want to come into your life than you were yesterday. That saying is don’t be a quitter is actually toxic. I would say. I’m teaching my son to quit things. I’m teaching him to quit Relationships that don’t work. It starts with recognizing what it is not working.

Being able to talk through in a safe way, healthy way of like what didn’t work and what he didn’t like and advocating, Hey, I didn’t like that you spoke to me this way. Can we go play something else, or no, I don’t wanna be hugged, or I don’t wanna be tickled, I don’t wanna share my toy. All of these things are super important at building healthy relationships and speaking up sooner instead of getting it all the way to the end.

I think also breaking up necessarily is not always the answer, but know. Which relationships you wanna stick with and which ones are gonna evolve with you and which ones are just not. And, but all that comes back to going inward and deciding how is this gonna work out? How is that person gonna respond?

And if I’m willing to have those hard conversations by teaching my five-year-old son, Hey, that person was mean to me and I’m listening to him, okay. And then teaching him conversations. All right. I want you to go back to. Little Jane and tell her and offer her, maybe we should go to a playground or we should play a different game so that everyone feels included.

Giving him options and tools. And I think as adult, I’m 39, I didn’t have this behavior model to me. I was just told, if you’re a quitter, you’re a loser. And if your family, your family forever, and blood is thicker than water, so you just because they’re blood related, they have to be in your life. Well, I think that’s bull.

Because I have plenty of people in my family that are toxic and they don’t have access to me. They don’t have access to my husband and my child. It’s a privilege to be in my life. So breaking up is the greatest thing that you can do. It’s the greatest liberation, and I think this is really important, especially going through your fertility journey, is it’s already stressful.

It’s already hard. You’re trying to create a family. This is your greatest dream. And if people are not pouring love into your life, they need to get the. Straight talk. It’s because you are already stressed. This is your most vulnerable time. So if people are not going to be on your boat and paddling with you and showing up for you, what can they do?

How can they bring you flowers? How can they bring you a meal? Are they gonna be understanding that? If you’re getting your trigger shots, what do you need that day? Do you need a blanket or do you just need space into also an understanding that if you don’t text back, that’s. There’s no anger there, like you’re, they’re respecting your time and your space.

I think that understanding and inviting in those kind of people who are gonna support you in that way is really important. But if your life is full of people who are taking from you, then it could take time to allow yourself to shift into a place to receive people who want to support you. But it starts with identifying who doesn’t work for you, who is not supporting.

and then deciding is it a hard conversation or are we just saying we’re done, and then only you can say that. I can’t tell you who are you gonna keep your Aunt Betty around? Are you gonna keep your dad around? I mean, there were times where I, it was not safe for me to speak to my mom. There was times where it wasn’t safe to, for me to speak to my dad and just depends on where you are in your life and that’s okay.

I don’t speak to my brother and my. They’re the most toxic people I know, and that’s okay. They’re living their lives. I wish them well, but it doesn’t mean I have to have them. And it just also means like I have made a boundary for myself. I am prioritizing my wellness and the safety of my family, and I’ve decided for myself very confidently and very empowered, like who is in my life?

How do I feel about them? How do I treat them? How do I prioritize them? And getting to know who that is. So if there is anyone that I have broken up with, it’s because there was something broken in there that couldn’t be fixed or hard conversations were had and things couldn’t be amended. And that’s okay too.

Wish them well, say a prayer, wish them well, and basically you’re avoiding a lot of future pain by them leading or you ending the relationship. You are preserving your wellness, you’re preserving and protecting your future. Think about that. So the greatest way to preserve your peace is to know who’s in your life and how connected you are to them.

And are they showing up safely for you? Are they holding space for you on your fertility journey? So if someone wants to leave your life, let them let them. Don’t chase them. We don’t chase people. We are inviting in people who are high quality, loving, supportive people because we are in the business of making babies with Reiki.

We are in the business of creating families and the family with intention that you want. What kind of things do you wanna teach your child and are the people in your life also supportive of that? Cuz all of that energy is going into your womb to make sure that it’s open and that we’re boosting everything we can to make sure you’re consuming the baby of your dreams and then going on to.

Spiritual pregnancy where you could feel connected to your child and having a beautiful life. So why breaking up is the greatest thing for you and your fertility is because it’s gonna allow you to create space for the people who deserve to be in your life. The people that deserve to support you and love on you and your future baby, and to make you feel safe in your.

And if you need a friend, I would love to be your friend. Connect with me on Instagram, send me a voice note. Introduce yourself and let me know you listen to this episode. I know what it’s like to be estranged from your family. And also just say that you know, that’s not normal. And to be the generational curse break.

And it’s not easy. It’s taxing, it’s hard, it’s polarizing, it’s lonely. But I’d rather be lonely than. Unhappy and have repeated mistreatment. So my friend, break up with the people that deserve to be broken up with, and I hope that you feel liberated in the process. And I send you all my love.